It all started around 2 weeks ago. I had started dating this guy, I will call him bob. So we had been dating for 2 or 3 days, and i started to feel uncomfortable. I felt like things were going too fast, but i wasnt sure if they actually were going too fast or if i was just scared. I decided to call it off with bob, and i felt much more…relaxed. The night i broke up with him he was going to meet me at our local library for something called a “Teens After Hours” where the owner of the librar hosted a “party”. We got pizza and played video gmes and it was this…social thing. Well, i cancelled going because of other reasonsI, not just that i didnt want to see him. Well, i cancelled and then i told him what had been going on. I told him how i felt uncomfortable, i didnt want to hold hands or even hug at all, it had only been 2 days. So we both deided it would be best.

The next few days (i think i called it off on saturday) it was monday and i had to go to school. I was feeling okay, and he seemed okay when we did what we did. Well, i guess that wasnt really the case. Seconds after i had shown my face at school a few people had surrounded me asking why i broke up with him. I didnt tell them, it was my business, and i didnt even know some of the people asking me what happened. I went to the cafeteria to eat breakfast, and i see bob walking out of the cafeteria. I decided it was best if i left him alone, and even if i did go after him it wouldve been too late because he was far away.

Fast forward to lunch and im getting my food. *Me, Bob, and a few of our friends all sat at a table together*. I told my best friend Christina what happened and i wanted to sit with her, but i thought it would be best if i just acted normal and didnt seem like i was hiding from him. So i head towards our table. While im walking, i see him laughing and making jokes with my friend, but as soon as he turns around and sees me, he lays his head down on the table.

Now, i guess you call that normal. He was sad, of course, and probably didnt feel like seeing me. But it seemed weird to me that he couldve gone from happy to sad in an instant. I get that he is a human. He has feelings, and is understandably sad. It sounds dumb but i just think…like…maybe he would be sad? like i have gotten broken up with before and i was sad. I sat next to the guy who broke up with me in my math class, and it was pretty sad. But we still got along. I wasnt visibly sad, and neither was he. And him and i had been dating for much longer than bob and i have. I dont know, but it just seemed weird.

So i felt really bad. I was really sad and i didnt know what to do anymore. I was up really late one night and i apologised to bob, in which case he took it a different way than i had intended and asked me out (again). And i said yes (again, like a dummy).

So everything was fine but eventually i came to my senses and realized that i am much healthier when i am single. I was able to take care of myself, help others, and have fun.

And i also didnt have a boy clinging to my arm. Like, it was annoying to me i guess. I havent had someone in my life who had been like bob was. He was just…odd. He followed me everywhere and was late to class. when i went to say “hi” to my cousin, bob stuck outside and waited there. it was just weird to me. I had made a joke with my best friend Emma, and it was an inside joke. He asked me the whole day, everytime i saw him, what the joke was and he wanted to know what it meant. dude. its an inside joke, the point of it is for people who understand it to ONLY know, not someone who wasnt there when it happened.

So, by the time i realized how i was better off single, i told bob. I said that i would rather be focusing on my grades, my (new) color guard stuff, and my family. He said that was okay, so we ended it (again) on…tuesday?

But my problem with this whole thing is that he is doing what he did 2 weeks ago. He is either walking away, getting a sad look on his face, or laying his head down on the table. Now, yet again, i recognise that he has feelings. He really liked me and we broke up. but we havent been dating that long! Its not like we had been dating for 4 years and then called it off. It was like…2 weeks. And i dont really think he realizes how him doing the walking away stuff and whatnot is tearing me apart inside.

I cant even eat breakfast or lunch anymore without getting guilt tripped by him (or his friends). I was trying to make myself happy, because i started to get less and less time to hang out with my best friends because he wanted to be by me every second of every day. Now that i have the freedom to go where i want, when i want, with whoever i want, it feels so much better. I have also gotten better grades (i got 102/100 on my geometry test *extra credit*). but i dont think the people he hangs out with are actually considering my feelings at all. or he is manipulating the way it ended. Bob said he was happy i was doing what i thought was best, and said he was fine and we could be friends. But bob’s friends, almost daily, keep telling me stuff like:

• “ya know he was really sad today”
• “[Bob] is broken”
• “why did you do that to him? he was so nice to you!!”
• “Yall were perfect, and you did a selfish thing. hope youre happy now” *sarcastic of course*
• much much more along these lines.

Its literally tearing me apart. I cant handle it anymore. some of my friends that i talked to daily are mad at me, or guilt tripping me. its my fault for wanting to be happy. It really sucks. It makes me sick to my stomach and im done dealing with their crap. Im avoiding that lunch table because it seems like i cant do anything worse than what has already happened, and its not like anyone could be more upset with me than they are now. Screw what they think, if they want to follow me and sit somewhere else they can, but for now i just dont want to be involved anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions what i should do? because im extremely stressed out right now and i am at the end of the line.

sorry it was so long guys, but i just cant. it would help if you read all of this so you can get some background and my POV. ❤ i hope everyone is doing better than i am right now, love you guys.